Christmas

I had a lot of plans for today, but I am sicker than a dog. So instead, I just have a lot on my mind.

...mind if I blog for a bit?

These posts always take me a long time to write because I type a sentence and then I sit back and think. In this case I am eating caramel rice cakes with nutella (one of the best snacks ever) while watching Scrooged (one of the best Christmas movies). Oh and I'm wearing the snuggie that my brother bought me for Christmas. It has been the most perfect Christmas gift for such a sickly day. Thanks, Dan.

So what's on my mind? This place isn't cutting it for me. I ran into this problem this summer, living in another vacation destination. How I see it is that there are a lot of people out there who move to the places where people vacation and they think they have made it. "Hey! I live where people come to have fun! What could be better?" The problem is that this could be true if the entire goal for our lives was to have fun; and for many people it is. But it isn't for me. Obviously, I'm human so I want to, but it truly leaves me feeling empty.

Since being away from Young Life and just middle schoolers and high schoolers in general, I have begun to ache for them more and more. Not for just those that I know, but the age group; all of them, everywhere. I think it's through this ache that God is beginning to show me some of my true passions and what he designed me for. I want to work with these kids. I want to help them. And I want to go to school for it. I want to expand my mind and my heart as much as possible as to help theirs.

So that's the first point. It has beginning to be more and more apparent that I am supposed to go back to school sooner than later. I've been thinking about it seriously now for about seven months and it's almost as if I'm thinking of it as the time when life gets to start again. I think that's because I know it's when I can have solid community again. I'll have something to do, to work towards and an end goal that will allow me to start helping the kids I want to help.

I think right now I feel like I'm in limbo. I am TRYING to do what I can here. I be a light for Christ here in Vail, but more recently I have been labeled as "really religious".
It's tough because that's as far as you get. You mention that you're going to church and they offhandedly ask, "oh so you're religious", not really listening for an answer; they've already made an assumption. And unless they have a longer attention span than most people, you just have to say yes.

So anyway. I want to go back to school. I was wondering if it would be this coming fall or the next and I think it will be the fall of 2011. When my dad was here in Aspen we talked about possibly staying out here for longer and he said something that stuck with me: "Nothing is as good the second time around". This, for the most part, is true. If Vail is not cutting it for me and I'm craving going back to school, I should. There are just a few things I want to do in the meantime. I want so badly to stay out here during the summer. So more recently I've started thinking about a position at a YL camp for the summer. It would allow me to stay here, and it would give me community. Which I think would be a nice in between step from this place and seminary. And the thing is, I love being in a leadership position, especially at camps. One of the best months I ever had was when I was on assigned team at Southwind. There were a lot of things that made the month less than ideal, but I have never felt him working through me more consistently than that month.

So, if we look at this summer and this winter and my lack of community and my general attitude that arises, am I just useless if I don't have people around me pointing me towards Christ? Is my faith so weak that I can't not have other Christians around me? I don't think so. My wonderful friend Kylie has been assessed up and down for mission work and she has been put into the category as someone who needs to work in a team. They figured this out soon after she teared up, for the first and only time during her interview, after talking about how much she loves her 418 roommates. Ky-y, I think we could be put into the same category, as I'm doing the same and I'm just typing.

As of right now, this is what I want to do: stay in Vail through April 24, go home to Gainesville for a while, maybe work at a CO young life camp for the summer, Seminary in the fall. And if not the fall, I'll go to Europe for a bit in the fall and then seminary in the spring of 2012. I like this plan a lot...I just need to start saving money.

Hm, one more thing. Someone recently told me to stop taking myself so seriously. Do I take myself seriously? I think so. Is it a bad thing? I don't know. I do know that I'm rarely content these days. Mostly because of the aforementioned paragraphs, but I just also just feel like I've heard it all. Moving from new town to new town this year I see and hear so much of the same stuff. Maybe I'm just being overly pessimistic because I'm sick, it's Christmas and I miss my family a ton. That is all, I need to nap.