Trouble Sleeping

For the second night in a row I just can't seem to fall asleep.
So I get out of bed (or in this case - the couch, because my roommate has the stomach bug) and make myself a pb&j on the frying pan (because we don't have a microwave) which I know, has got to be the worst habit ever.

Why can't I sleep? I have so much on my mind. You see, I have been holed-up in my apartment for the past four days straight. I had a terrible cold and after much encouagement from my parents I forced myself to rest the entire time. No skiing, no hot tubbing, no nothing. Just rest. So I've done a lot of reading and even more thinking. And even after all this thinking...I don't know what to think.

I don't know why I'm here. Recently it has become very clear to me what I want to do with my life, and so for now, I feel like I'm wasting my time.
But Katy darling, we must remember that it was you who said "I'm going to take some time off to figure out exactly what I want to do. I'm not going to go back to school until I am 100% positive of what I want to study."

Well, I'm positive alright. I've been pretty positive for about seven months now. Need I wait longer? Apparently I do. Because as restless as I am here, I have even less peace about going home. I just can't. I still believe that God has me here for a reason. I just have no clue as to what it could be. I stand by my feeling that people here are just so dense. Dense and apathetic. Dense to the fact that you are trying to love them and apathetic to the fact that this love comes from Jesus.

I also know that some of these feelings are arising because I've almost finished reading Chap Clark's "When Kids Hurt". Although by definition I am still considered an adolescent, I am hurting so bad for my fellow adolescents. I want to badly to go back to school so that I can be better equipped to help them. Which is why I feel like I am wasting time here.

I don't know, maybe I just need to chill out and step back. The Lord has his timing and I have mine. Apparently mine is at a much more hurried pace than His. Which, by the way, is a big problem with adolescents nowadays - we are too hurried. You see?! It is precisely these kinds of questions that arise in my mind and just sit there like a midnight pb&j in my stomach. I have nobody to digest, er, discuss these questions with and they just sit there in my brain and create for a very quiet, very introverted Katy. Yes, dear friends reading this, I can and should call you, but I haven't been able to talk for the past few days without hacking up a lung. Please forgive me - I'll call you soon.

Anyway. I'm no more tired than when I began this post. Perhaps I should try to sleep though. Seeing as tomorrow is my first day back at my hellacious job and we are supposed to have about 200 kids. AND I've been getting pretty worn out just by walking to the bus stop. Woe is me.

Even though everything is more expensive here, I would pay just about anything to have my Starbucks coffee in the morning. The days that I take the time to sit, sip, read and journal before work always prove to be better days. Thanks for reading. I hope to soon be able to post some nice, uplifting stories. Until then, midnight-snack-quiet-introverted-a-little-bit-pissed-off-Katy is going to try to go to bed. Sweet dreams.

Christmas

I had a lot of plans for today, but I am sicker than a dog. So instead, I just have a lot on my mind.

...mind if I blog for a bit?

These posts always take me a long time to write because I type a sentence and then I sit back and think. In this case I am eating caramel rice cakes with nutella (one of the best snacks ever) while watching Scrooged (one of the best Christmas movies). Oh and I'm wearing the snuggie that my brother bought me for Christmas. It has been the most perfect Christmas gift for such a sickly day. Thanks, Dan.

So what's on my mind? This place isn't cutting it for me. I ran into this problem this summer, living in another vacation destination. How I see it is that there are a lot of people out there who move to the places where people vacation and they think they have made it. "Hey! I live where people come to have fun! What could be better?" The problem is that this could be true if the entire goal for our lives was to have fun; and for many people it is. But it isn't for me. Obviously, I'm human so I want to, but it truly leaves me feeling empty.

Since being away from Young Life and just middle schoolers and high schoolers in general, I have begun to ache for them more and more. Not for just those that I know, but the age group; all of them, everywhere. I think it's through this ache that God is beginning to show me some of my true passions and what he designed me for. I want to work with these kids. I want to help them. And I want to go to school for it. I want to expand my mind and my heart as much as possible as to help theirs.

So that's the first point. It has beginning to be more and more apparent that I am supposed to go back to school sooner than later. I've been thinking about it seriously now for about seven months and it's almost as if I'm thinking of it as the time when life gets to start again. I think that's because I know it's when I can have solid community again. I'll have something to do, to work towards and an end goal that will allow me to start helping the kids I want to help.

I think right now I feel like I'm in limbo. I am TRYING to do what I can here. I be a light for Christ here in Vail, but more recently I have been labeled as "really religious".
It's tough because that's as far as you get. You mention that you're going to church and they offhandedly ask, "oh so you're religious", not really listening for an answer; they've already made an assumption. And unless they have a longer attention span than most people, you just have to say yes.

So anyway. I want to go back to school. I was wondering if it would be this coming fall or the next and I think it will be the fall of 2011. When my dad was here in Aspen we talked about possibly staying out here for longer and he said something that stuck with me: "Nothing is as good the second time around". This, for the most part, is true. If Vail is not cutting it for me and I'm craving going back to school, I should. There are just a few things I want to do in the meantime. I want so badly to stay out here during the summer. So more recently I've started thinking about a position at a YL camp for the summer. It would allow me to stay here, and it would give me community. Which I think would be a nice in between step from this place and seminary. And the thing is, I love being in a leadership position, especially at camps. One of the best months I ever had was when I was on assigned team at Southwind. There were a lot of things that made the month less than ideal, but I have never felt him working through me more consistently than that month.

So, if we look at this summer and this winter and my lack of community and my general attitude that arises, am I just useless if I don't have people around me pointing me towards Christ? Is my faith so weak that I can't not have other Christians around me? I don't think so. My wonderful friend Kylie has been assessed up and down for mission work and she has been put into the category as someone who needs to work in a team. They figured this out soon after she teared up, for the first and only time during her interview, after talking about how much she loves her 418 roommates. Ky-y, I think we could be put into the same category, as I'm doing the same and I'm just typing.

As of right now, this is what I want to do: stay in Vail through April 24, go home to Gainesville for a while, maybe work at a CO young life camp for the summer, Seminary in the fall. And if not the fall, I'll go to Europe for a bit in the fall and then seminary in the spring of 2012. I like this plan a lot...I just need to start saving money.

Hm, one more thing. Someone recently told me to stop taking myself so seriously. Do I take myself seriously? I think so. Is it a bad thing? I don't know. I do know that I'm rarely content these days. Mostly because of the aforementioned paragraphs, but I just also just feel like I've heard it all. Moving from new town to new town this year I see and hear so much of the same stuff. Maybe I'm just being overly pessimistic because I'm sick, it's Christmas and I miss my family a ton. That is all, I need to nap.

Best Day Ever

I am particularly excited that this post gets to follow my previous post about how sad I've been, because...

I had the best day ever!!

And it went as follows:

7:30 Woke up and enjoyed lox with cream cheese on my gluten free bread (Yes, I finally went grocery shopping...no more rice cakes for breakfast!)
8:15-8:45 Arrived in Vail, got my skis from my workplace, which makes me enjoy my days off even more because I get to see what I am [not] missing. On the bus ride I was completely encouraged by emails and texts from friends and my mom. I felt looked after and cared for. Thanking God for the love I was receiving I trekked over to the gondola and took the beautiful ride to the top of the mountain.
9:00 I get two free ski lessons a month and I was placed in a group with 4 other ladies which I just love! It's like getting to have 3 moms for a day.

10:00-3:30 I got SO MUCH BETTER AT SKIING! Yesterday I was able to go down any green comfortably. I could do blue's, but only at a very slow speed and with much trepidation. By the end of the day I could go so fast down really steep blues! I was faster and more coordinated than everyone else in my class (not that it's a competition...) and was loving it. I also made a friend! She's from South Africa and so easy to talk to. We had a great time talking on the lifts and we are definitely going to ski together in the near future. The day ended on a good note as my instructor said that she couldn't believe that I had only been skiing for a few weeks. One more reason to believe that I am a natural. Wahoo!

Skiing was so much fun and it pumped me up so much I had to all I could to not dance on the bus ride home. But as soon as I got home and remembered that I had all sorts of delicious groceries to cook I couldn't help but dance to Techrotonic's "Pump Up the Jam" and other dance-y songs for a good hour in my kitchen.

I called Kylie to tell her about how God just continues to bless. Even when I'm down and I don't choose to find joy in Him, He still provides in the most remarkable ways. To be able to notice all my fun and encouragement as gifts from him is a blessing in itself.

Wearing my long underwear, kickboxing to Ke$ha in my tiny kitchen, cooking sweet potatoes and chicken while singing with my roommates was an amazing way to end such an incredible, uplifting day.

Recently

I never know how to start my blog posts. In middle school they nail it into your head that you have to have "a grabber" as your first sentence. Alright well how's this:

I've been sad recently.

I'm currently in the process of figuring out exactly why this is true. I think it has a lot to do with the lack of variety in people. Everyone here is pretty similar. I was writing a friend just now and I mentioned how I missed our in-depth conversations. We would debate everything and analyze why things are the way they are. Here there are two main points of conversation in Vail: skiing and drinking. It's hard for me to go in-depth with either. I'm a novice at the former and don't do much of the latter.

Also, the boys here are just plain awful. Ok, overstatement, but not by too much. It's really interesting - they act as if The Ratio is in their favor. They're so aggressive in asking girls out that I'm just over it.

Lastly, and I know this is pretty fickle, but I'm cold. I'm already tired of being cold. I'm ready for shorts and bathing suits again. This however is just something I need to suck up and deal with. I'm still against tanning beds, but I looked them up the other day because I just want to do something that resembles the beach.

Please here this though: I like it here. I'm generally happy and I am LOVING skiing. I'm officially able to shred up all the greens. I've begun to move onto blue's and I'm proud of this especially because I didn't ski at all before coming out here.

Oh! I get to see my Dad this time next week!! I'm taking a shuttle to meet him in Aspen for a day of Daddy + Katy time. I can't wait to ski, eat, talk and just spend time with my Dad. Twenty-four hours will indefinitely feel too short. But right now I'd give just about anything to see my family. Spending the holidays out here has been a little tougher than expected.

Just know that I'm keeping my chin up. How else can I take the in beauty of all that is around me?

Powder Day

"Ooohh it's a powder day!" "Ah man, I hope my next day off is a powder day!" "You know what they say - no friends on a powder day!"

I've heard all this for three weeks now. Last night it snowed about 12-18 inches. So of course, I was psyched that I didn't have to work today and I could actually ski My First Powder Day.

What.
The.
Crap.

Skiing in powder is HARD. Hard as in I came home early and had to lay on the couch for about three hours before I would even consider moving any one of my limbs.
Call me a baby, but seriously?? I didn't expect this at all. Yesterday was great. I was really pushing myself and feeling like I was really starting to get the hang of everything. Today I felt like someone immersed me in water and said "ok now go do the same thing".

Listen, you.
It was tough. Really tough.
But I still liked it.
Or, well, loved it.

More bloody noses and Justin Bieber

Yesterday I played parametric.

I got a call that a little three year old boy took a fall and got a bloody nose. I immediately put on my parka, filled the pockets with tissues and tromped out onto the snow, looking for a bloody boy and feeling very much like a mom.

I found the only kid that had blood streaming from, well, his forehead to his chest. This was quite the bloody nose and this little boy had quite the set of lungs. Have you ever tried to walk on powdery snow in tennis shoes for more than a couple of yards? It's tough, especially when you are carrying a 50 pound screaming boy in the most awkward way possible as to not get blood on your own clothes. So I plopped this little boy in a sled and pulled him all the way to the edge of the snow where I then felt like a paramedic, a mom and a fireman as I carried this wailing, blood-streaming boy up a hill in the Colorado altitude. When I got to our building I wasn't wailing but I was wheezing.

A half hour later of "You're okayyyy" and "You're so brave!" and "I just need to wipe your nose just one more time" the boy stopped crying and started coloring. He then started bragging about his bloody nose.

That evening the roommates and I took a trip to Wal Mart and got all sorts of Christmas decorations...and a Justin Bieber poster. Which, by the way, is pretty much just a joke and used to deter any boys from liking us.

And then today I think I've made two friends who could be really good friends. I'm able to be real with each one and hold solid conversations. And if you know me, you know that that is the way to my heart. So thank you God, for good conversations with good people.

Oh, and of course, thank you God for the beauty of Colorado. Here is a picture of where I was skiing on the other day.

My nose has almost stopped bleeding...

Katy Johnston: skier of three days and loving it.

Ok, I've skied before when I was five, so that doesn't really count. I am a beginner of beginners and I'm fairly certain I'm a natural. I think from my history of sports, especially longboarding and kickboxing (sounds funny, but it has really helped my balance) I have created a nice base of skills where I have been able to pick up skiing pretty easily. I've taken two lessons (we get two free a month...which would normally be $640!) and skied by myself. I like it. A lot. I just want to get really good.

You know what's a little depressing though? Pretty much everyone here is the same. Lots of drinking, lots of smoking. I thought there would be some variety, but really, there is very little. Making friends has gotten a little tricky. They're all boys and they're not the kind of boys I am used to. Even the girls are well, pretty similar to the boys.

Trust me, none of this is coming from a place of condemnation. It's just always been so clear that a friendship can only go so deep when people are so different. I've been trying to remind myself that a perpetual goal of mine is to be salt and light. It's just discouraging when you feel that no one is perceptive enough to your saltiness.

I need some prayer on this subject...please?

Things really are great here. I'm staying warm, enjoying skiing and loving being in this altitude. I really like the feeling of breathing hard long after you've stopped exercising...or even just climbing stairs.

I can't wait to come back to Gainesville and be able to breathe like a champion.

Joy

Several interesting things have happened in the past two days. Sunday: went to church with this really lovely couple that my cousin connected me with. The previous three days were somewhat of a silent retreat because I had so much time to pray, read and journal. And so finally getting to worship and hear the word on Sunday was just so refreshing. Lunch afterwards was great also – a local Mexican place that reminded me of Las Margaritas.

Still no roommates though. So I decided to make a trip to the library for some movies. I was waiting for my bus when a car pulls up and asks if I want a ride. I ask where they are going. They say home. (Home is one block away). I say oh thanks but I’m going all the way to Vail (10 minutes). They say get in we’d be happy to take you to Vail.

Did these boys, all whose names happen to start with J, want to waste their gas? Did they want to show off their insanely loud techno music? Or does it yet again boil down to inevitable answer: The Ratio. Either way, I appreciated the gesture, but I didn’t appreciate smelling like I smoked a whole pack of cigarettes when I left the car. At least I was able to be gone for less than an hour which allowed me to watch a movie and talk to some dear friends on the phone.

MONDAY: first day of work. Guess what? Apparently I am the head honcho. I am in charge of wayyyy more than I thought. I am responsible for training my employees. Two things are scary about that sentence: I have yet to be fully trained, let alone train other people, and two, I have employees? I don’t know about this. For a while in there I was thinking “why the heck didn’t I just sign on to be a cleaning lady?” Oh that’s right; I hate skin cells.

But guess what: I HAVE A ROOMMATE! She moved in tonight. Her name is Karin. Hi Karin, I know you’ll probably read this someday. And guess what? She’s great. She’s funny and real and she’s a Christian! We are going to start looking for churches together. AND I was waiting at the bus stop this morning and I see my friend from high school show up! High School! And what’s weirder is that I randomly saw her in Bradenton this summer also. To quote her, “Apparently we are just supposed to be friends.” So WAHOO! Oooh, ahhh, ohh ahhh…doing a happy dance that resembles the Cabbage Patch.

Finally, I went to swing dancing class tonight. I met a friend at church who teaches ballroom dance lessons and right now he’s teaching swing. So look at me! I move out west and I learn to swing dance. Who would’ve thought…?

God is good all the time, no matter what. But isn’t it wonderful when we get to see him showering his love on us through things like friendship, generosity, dancing, and just all around joy?

The Ratio

Welcome to night of not-so-much-boredom Part I!

Today was a nice change of pace: I actually talked to people!
Started off the day by getting my ski pass and my bus pass, wahooo. Then I did what anyone else does who doesn’t have friends: I went and got a library card. I know it makes me sound less intelligent, but I got way more excited when I realized that I could check out DVD’s in addition to books. So I got Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and a couple of books. I took the bus home and as I got off I made a friend!...or at least an acquaintance. He and his roommates have been here for a couple of weeks and told me I could come by anytime. Good – now I know exactly one person in Vail. A couple hours later I took the bus (Yes, at night. How adventurous!) to town to watch the Gator game, seeing as I do not yet have TV or internet. The waiter even designated a TV just for me because nobody else cared about anything but hockey. I was perfectly content watching the game by myself but I knew it was only a matter of time before The Ratio kicked in. I ended up making friends with a couple of guys who were nice…but just didn’t compare to my Gainesville Boys (I miss you, dear friends). We kept conversation for a while and then I politely excused myself and went home. It was on my walk from the bus stop to my apartment that my previous acquaintance’s roommate gave me a ride. It was perfect timing because I had just remembered that black bears are not uncommon in the area.

Anyway, Leah the angel shuttle driver wasn’t kidding about the boy thing. I feel like I haven’t even seen a girl since I’ve been here, let alone had the chance to make friends with one.

By the way, do you want to know what the official ratio of boys to girls is?

23:1

TWENTY THREE boys for every ONE girl.

Good thing I specified that I wanted girl roommates…otherwise I might drown in a sea of stinky boys.

Day o' Frustration

Welcome to Night of Boredom, part II.

Don’t get me wrong, today was good. Though last night I didn’t sleep that well. I was actually too hot. Flannel pajamas + flannel sheets + hardcore sleeping bag + thermostat on high + going to bed way too early = poor sleep. I convinced myself that it was ok to go to bed at 9:30 because of the time change. It was that same time change that woke me up at 5:30…100% rested and awake.

Woke up to another morning of lovely fresh snow, got dressed for the nine degree weather and headed to the bus stop where I then realized that I had 45 minutes until the next bus. Stood around, got a face tan and eventually caught the 10 minute bus ride to Vail Village. I met my boss, filled out some paperwork and walked around a bit….well, I wanted to walk for a bit, but it turned into 40 minutes of back roads; all the while searching for a bathroom because I’ve been drinking so much water to avoid altitude sickness. You see, I really was very resourceful today, asking all sorts of people for directions, figuring out bus schedules, etc, which is why I just pretended that my 40 minutes of wandering was on purpose. I had done such a good job of not getting lost or confused that I was not going to start now.

It was then that I got a little grumpy. You see, my last 4 meals have consisted of a mixture of beef jerky, dark chocolate and balance bars…and lots of water. So I decided it was due time to go to a familiar place for some retail-therapy: Super Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart was lovely and I bought all sorts of groceries and my very first coffee maker. What an adult purchase, right? Hi my name is Katy, I’m new in town and, well, I own my own coffee maker.

This was all great until I had to stuff all my new purchases into three reusable bags and take the bus home. I broke out into the most ridiculous sweat climbing up the mountain to my apartment. I fear that I’m going to wake up tomorrow and feel like I did a hardcore workout just from that stupid hill. So right now I’m a little stiff and my stomach hurts – I’m pretty sure this is because it shrunk from my day and a half of tiny meals, and was not ready for my humongous dinner of rice cake + peanut butter.

Anyway, it is yet again that time when I have nothing else to do. My internet probably won’t be up and running until Wednesday, so until I have friends/roommates/a job…I have these evenings to look forward to. I can hear that I have upstairs neighbors and I almost went and knocked on their door and said “Hi I’m Katy, I need friends”. After all, I want someone to do that to me. We’ll see, maybe tomorrow.

Off-Color Angel

I’m here!

So much has happened in the last twenty four hours that I don’t really know where to begin. I will start by saying that God has made this move incredibly easy. Things have just been falling in place left and right and it feels so good. Since deciding to come to Vail, I haven’t been one hundred percent sure that this is where God wants me. So for the first time since applying for jobs, I feel like this is where He wants me.

Leaving Gainesville was hard because my family and friends are so wonderful. I will miss them all tremendously, but I am not worried about losing my friendship with any of them; which is amazing because it frees me up to make more friends here. Speaking of which, I made several friends on the plane and shuttle. I don’t think any of these friendships will go anywhere as I don’t know any of their names. Anyway, Denver with my cousin and her husband was great. Nice dinner, good conversation and great ski clothes that I get to borrow. Pound it.

It was snowing when I work up and I realized that I hadn’t seen snow fall from the sky since I was five years old. It’s really beautiful. I don’t like it when people try to sound overly poetic and romantic in their blogs, and I’m not trying to…so, sorry…but I have to say that I just kept falling in love with how pretty it made everything. The shuttle ride from Denver to Vail was gorgeous because everything was covered in fresh white snow.

And this began my first adventure: I had absolutely no idea where I was living. I’ve heard Timber Ridge and River Run used to describe my apartment complex, so I figured they were the same thing. Turns out they’re not. But thankfully, God sent me an angel disguised as a shuttle driver named Leah. Normally, shuttle drivers drop their passengers off at a transportation center where they then take connecting busses. But as soon as she heard I had big boxes and big suitcases, she insisted on being my personal chauffer for an hour and a half, which included waiting outside for 20 minutes while I signed my lease. She even helped me move all my things down to my apartment. The funniest thing she told me was that all the boys will be hitting on me because the ratio of men to women is so disproportionate. (Look for later references to The Ratio). She told me that I could “be a 2 in Denver and a 10 in Vail” and that because I had a pulse, I was going to be in high demand. I guess angels can have an off-color sense of humor.

Moving on…I love my apartment! I was expecting to move into Vail’s ghetto (oxymoron, I know) but this apartment is lovely. Two rooms, four beds, 2 big bathrooms, big kitchen, comfy couches, fire place and a thermostat that works really well. I went ahead and took the bigger room…I mean, that’s just what you do, right? I’ll move if need be. But I don’t have roommates yet! The only two things I know about them is that they are going to be non-smoking girls, so that’s a good thing. Other than that I have no idea. So if you are reading this and feel up to it, please please pray for my roommates. Pray that they are exactly who I need to live with- for whatever reason. I can’t wait to meet them, I just had no idea when they are getting here. It could be tonight, it could be next week. I just want some friends already.

What will tomorrow hold? I need some food. Tonight my dinner consisted of beef jerky and dark chocolate. I made a grocery list and the first two things were peanut butter and rice cakes. Gluten-free diet on a budget, ya’ll. I haven’t the slightest clue where the nearest grocery store is, and my internet isn’t working yet (it will be, when this is posted) so I don’t know how to take the bus. Apparently I’m in a bit of a pickle. Looks like I’ll be biding my time tonight until it’s late enough to go to bed. Oh the life of a Floridian scared to venture out into the cold night. It’s ok, I’ll just get well acquainted with my super warm sleeping bag.

Life is good. So so good.

p.s. the tap water is incredible!

Moving Eve

I'm leaving on a jet plane, and really, truly, I don't know when I'll be back again.

This is the first trip of its kind - a one way plane ticket to a place I've never been before. I have only seen Google images of this place and heard about how great it is. And yes, I am moving there for at least six months, hopefully a year. Am I absolutely nuts? Only time will tell.

I'm about to go to bed in my comfortable hometown where everything is familiar; I have family, friends, and can tell you where anything is and exactly how long it will take to get there. I have my t-shirts and flip flops, my bike and my sunny back porch. I'm trading all this in for one thing: adventure.

It might sound overly dramatic, but really, it's what I'm looking for. It's time for adventure at Twenty-Two. And I am pumped. Beyond excited. Yes, I am leaving behind people, places and things that I love, but I am embarking on a completely new way of life.
I'm moving to Vail, Colorado where the temperature is currently 20 degrees and snowing.
I'm moving to Vail, Colorado where I won't have a car, but rather a bus pass and snow boots.
I'm moving to Vail, Colorado where I don't know a soul.

I'm moving to Vail, Colorado for adventure.